chapter 4: part 1 Planning your Life

continued from chapter 3: part 6

We felt enormous relief once we squared away our business affairs and without realizing it, we had closed the last loophole that permitted any backward looks.
The next question seemed to be--what do we do with the rest of our lives? The reality was that we didn’t just sit down and efficiently plan out what we’d do. We didn’t have any astounding revelations: sell everything and take a trip to the Rain Forest. Whip off to Mexico and have a shot at the peach pit “cures.” Sail around the world. Was there something we really ought to try?

I asked new friends in the support groups what changes cancer had made in their lives. Almost all returned to their usual habits although we agreed we sensed subtle changes in our attitudes about day-to-day living. We were much more aware of everything happening around us and valued each day.

One support group couple, Evan and Rachael had booked a cruise with friends before he was diagnosed; Evan insisted on following through after his colostomy and bladder removal, and they had a wonderful time. They were one of the few couples that continued to take trips, although they sometimes had to seek out treatment for a temporary medical problem.

Another support group friend, Matthew took the boldest step; he was running a successful business but when bladder cancer hit him in his mid-thirties, he found that he no longer wanted to eat and breathe company matters and sold out to begin a less stressful part of his life. When I last saw them he and Norma were trying to decide whether or not to have a child despite the uncertainty of their future. No one has a guarantee in life, but they were reminded of that more forcibly than most people.

We tried to settle back into our previous relaxed lifestyle, but now we were acutely conscious of time passing. It’s as though layer after layer of veils had parted before our eyes and we no longer saw time in measured blocks that we took for granted. Now we felt a need to live each moment, to “get on with life.” That sounds fine but what the hell does it mean, anyway?

We were happily married, we lived a quiet, home-loving life but nagging away at us was the thought that we should be making more of an impact on our world. We were sorting out ways to make our lives more meaningful, just as though we had never done that in the past. That really was the point but we thrashed and floundered about before we realized we really did have it all.

And so began our crazy period.

to be continued in chapter 4: part2