chapter 6: part 1 Study Your Doctor

Continued from chapter 5: part 7


My job was to persuade Hal to consider himself to be fifty- percent responsible for his recovery. His attitude and sense of purpose were the foundation of his rebuilding program. The medical profession shoulders the other half of this fight and since they’re going to be partners, choose your co-workers wisely.

You need a doctor who is thoroughly acquainted with your particular kind of cancer. This person is a human being like you, has other patients like you, struggles to balance a family life and work and somehow has to make you feel special and that you’re getting the best of what he has to give.

An important priority for me was that Hal’s doctor be flexible enough to permit me to remain in the examining room, always. I knew that Hal needed me and relied on me to be his second ears, especially important if a patient is on pain medication and may not always be sure of what was said.

This wasn’t a problem and you should be able to work this out if you play by the unwritten ground rules: keep quiet, stay out of the way and keep your emotions tightly reined in. This is your partner’s appointment and the focus must be clearly and finally on his health and problems. The rewards for me were boundless. I didn’t have to rely on second-hand information, which could have been hopelessly garbled when Hal began taking painkillers.

This kind of togetherness isn’t important to everyone, as is the case with my friends Beryl and Ron. She had always struck me as the kind of person who could take charge of anything anywhere, but she wasn’t like that at all. Ron took full control of the arrangements and appointments, from the start. She drove with him to his appointments and sat in the waiting room. This suited them. She said later, “Frankly, if I’d wanted to be there with him, Ron would have been demoralized.”

You owe your doctor clear, concise questions. If you the patient feel rotten, spend a few minutes beforehand to work out in your head what the problem is or where the problem seems to be. Pinpoint the area and the sensation. You will be expected to follow instructions about medication and diet and whatever else is necessary to help make you well or at the least, comfortable.

When you first meet the doctor who will be seeing you through this, your first instinct is to be damned grateful that someone is looking after you. Hold that feeling but also be clear about your needs. Your best instincts tell you that this person is going to be a part of your life for a long time, and it would be nice if the two of you were compatible. It is vital that you trust him.

continued in chapter 6; part 2