continued from chapter 12: part 6
Every step of the way through your cancer, you have options open to you; what treatment you'll follow, which doctor you'll have, combining treatment with a special diet or exercise or relaxation programs, and in some cases when to continue treatment, and so on. All through this book we've discussed options.
This chapter is mostly for the caregiver. It's about choices that will have to be made if things start to go wrong.
Hal struggled to prolong his life day by day. He had this option. He could have chosen to give up the struggle and passively accept whatever happened. His deteriorating health prompted more choices for us to make.
As I got further into writing this book, I realized that we were well informed, really. Doctors were honest with us but couched their information with tact so that we could handle the rough spots.
With my 20/20 hindsight, I realize that when Hal and I were freely talking about the possibility of his dying, we virtually stopped there-- at the possibility that he might die. That was such a staggering concept that I never thought to take it a step further.
That was the ideal time to ask him whether he wanted a funeral, what kind, who to ask, whether he wanted cremation, where to scatter the ashes. In the early stages, when everything is unexplored territory, is the time to discuss death plans. Once the fight for life begins, the chance is lost.
We had been prudent enough to sign up with the Memorial Society years before and with my mania for orderly planning, I wrote a letter detailing how I wanted my body disposed of and the kind of send- off I'd like. Hal agreed that the letter was a good idea but never did this.
His mother, unbeknown to us, had made her arrangements through the Memorial Society and when she died at the age of ninety-five, our choices were so simple. She did ask for a funeral in the church, not a memorial service, but we fudged a little and didn't bring the coffin to the church.
continued in chapter 13: part 2
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