continued from Chapter 3: part 2
Along with the abrupt change in our lives, I came to realize what a passive person I was. Opinionated but truly passive.
I had been raised in a completely father- dominated household where a woman’s views were not to be taken seriously and certainly not worthy of respect. I dragged along this attitude into marriage despite having a husband who believed in total equality.
In the past although we took turns with the household accounts, I was satisfied to leave any other business decisions to Hal when he would have been happy to turn them over to me. Business decision-making was of the few things he wasn’t good at and out of necessity around this time I took more and more responsibility and eventually I was pretty good at it.
These questions were no longer items just for Hal's consideration; is the house in both our names? Is the car? Is the cottage? Okay we didn't have one but if we did--
Alan reminded us that you can get tangled in estate problems if you don’t carefully examine the pros and cons of your particular situation
We had one joint checking account for bill paying, but then we branched out into “his” and “hers” Christmas accounts, “rainy day” funds and heaven knows what else. Despite the fact that we had made each other our beneficiaries, Alan advised us to condense our personal bank accounts and make them joint accounts so that the survivor would be the sole owner without legal intervention.
We took his advice with the tacit understanding that we would leave one another’s accounts alone. The exception was an account that Hal maintained for gifts for me and he wanted his name only on this one. Closing out this account after his death caused me uncountable pain. I had to take to his bank a notarized copy of his will, his death certificate and his bankbook. I’m not that private a person but handing these things over to a stranger was terrible. The bank clerk stood in front of me and read the will from cover to cover, despite the fact that I was named sole beneficiary at the top of page one.
to be continued in chapter 3: part 4
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
chapter 3: part 2
continued from chapter 3: part 1
Our accountant loved playing the horses and hadn't much energy for his job in a respectable accounting firm; eventually he departed hastily and quietly.
Hal was intrigued by quirky characters and he thought this man was okay despite some questionable business advice in the past.
This same fellow had referred a lawyer to us and so what did we expect? This lawyer didn’t work from an office when we first knew him and he handily rode the subway to our house when we needed to see him. We did think this was a tad unusual but we never investigated his past. Eventually he rented a corner in a large legal firm but that didn’t make him any more successful.
This man failed us miserably when we needed his skills. We had one meeting with him, told him what had been happening to Hal and asked him to put the wills together quickly. He never completed the task. We took turns phoning him every few days and he always replied they would be ready “next week” and he would call us but he never did. Finally, I sent him a letter literally firing him and he responded by billing us for three hundred dollars,” for financial advice”.
You will get an idea of our mind states when I tell you I paid the bill, although I had the satisfaction of telling him what a sorry specimen he was.
Quirky characters were beginning to lose their appeal and Hal remembered a lawyer he had met through a writing assignment and called him. Alan remembered Hal and made an immediate appointment when he learned the reason. Hal was frank about his cancer and his prognosis and Alan thoroughly covered what the law requires and went over everything we might need to know.
While we were at it, we made a separate memorandum to be attached to our wills telling the children how we wanted our personal possessions disposed of after our deaths. We took a hard-nosed approach here. When it came to leaving things to the kids and their mates, we couldn’t assume each marriage would remain intact, but the kids were ours forever, so we simplified by dividing everything up between the kids and omitted specific bequests to mates and offspring.
I asked Alan what would happen if Hal were to be physically or mentally incapacitated during his illness or anytime for that matter. Would I have the authority to make business decisions for him or even sell the house if we needed cash to make him more comfortable? Alan suggested that power of attorney was a good vehicle. This document assigns complete power of your personal and business affairs.
He also said, “Pat, what makes you think you’re exempt from running into health problems? Both you and Hal should assign one another power of attorney. You sign these forms and leave them with me and if they’re ever needed, there won’t be a delay of many months while the province sorts it out.”
To be continued in chapter 3: part 3
Our accountant loved playing the horses and hadn't much energy for his job in a respectable accounting firm; eventually he departed hastily and quietly.
Hal was intrigued by quirky characters and he thought this man was okay despite some questionable business advice in the past.
This same fellow had referred a lawyer to us and so what did we expect? This lawyer didn’t work from an office when we first knew him and he handily rode the subway to our house when we needed to see him. We did think this was a tad unusual but we never investigated his past. Eventually he rented a corner in a large legal firm but that didn’t make him any more successful.
This man failed us miserably when we needed his skills. We had one meeting with him, told him what had been happening to Hal and asked him to put the wills together quickly. He never completed the task. We took turns phoning him every few days and he always replied they would be ready “next week” and he would call us but he never did. Finally, I sent him a letter literally firing him and he responded by billing us for three hundred dollars,” for financial advice”.
You will get an idea of our mind states when I tell you I paid the bill, although I had the satisfaction of telling him what a sorry specimen he was.
Quirky characters were beginning to lose their appeal and Hal remembered a lawyer he had met through a writing assignment and called him. Alan remembered Hal and made an immediate appointment when he learned the reason. Hal was frank about his cancer and his prognosis and Alan thoroughly covered what the law requires and went over everything we might need to know.
While we were at it, we made a separate memorandum to be attached to our wills telling the children how we wanted our personal possessions disposed of after our deaths. We took a hard-nosed approach here. When it came to leaving things to the kids and their mates, we couldn’t assume each marriage would remain intact, but the kids were ours forever, so we simplified by dividing everything up between the kids and omitted specific bequests to mates and offspring.
I asked Alan what would happen if Hal were to be physically or mentally incapacitated during his illness or anytime for that matter. Would I have the authority to make business decisions for him or even sell the house if we needed cash to make him more comfortable? Alan suggested that power of attorney was a good vehicle. This document assigns complete power of your personal and business affairs.
He also said, “Pat, what makes you think you’re exempt from running into health problems? Both you and Hal should assign one another power of attorney. You sign these forms and leave them with me and if they’re ever needed, there won’t be a delay of many months while the province sorts it out.”
To be continued in chapter 3: part 3
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
chapter 3: part 1. "I Should Do What?"
continued from Chapter 2: part 5
The practical side of me kicked in about this time and I was thinking a lot about how Hal’s death would impact on our lives. We will all get around to dying and when we do, we will leave this planet stark naked, no baggage allowed but we can plan for what we leave behind.
A life-threatening illness is a good motivating force. Your mind turns again and again to the implications of dying; it’s like poking your tongue into a new cavity. Have we got enough money? Can we afford our present life style? The questions run round and round, and common sense dictates that you get these questions settled quickly in order to get on with the business of life.
In the early days of his illness, Hal and I talked in a detached way about the possibility of his dying. It was as though we were speaking of something that might happen to a stranger, but we knew no matter how fuzzy our thinking, that we had business to get out of the way.
I’m a list maker. We sat down together to discuss these worries and this is the list we drew up for Hal:
v Write personal letters to family members or do an audio tape. ( never done)
v Write own obit. ( never done)
v Order lumber to rebuild sagging back porch. (ever practical).
v Call Lawyer to discuss updating will and ask whether Pat needs power of attorney for future.
v Call Real Estate friends about appraising house for possibility of selling.
Nowhere does it say, what are our assets? Are we okay?
We began by getting our wills in order. You can buy a will kit at a stationary store and do your own or blow the hundred bucks or go see a qualified lawyer, once who specializes in estates. You may think you haven’t enough worldly goods to bother, but remember, someone has to distribute your things, and why not have it done your way?
We made an appointment with the lawyer who handled Hal’s one-person company. Our existing wills were done years before when the children were still dependents and a lot of tidying up was due. This should have been a simple assignment but it turned out to be a nightmare.
To be continued in chapter 3: part 2
The practical side of me kicked in about this time and I was thinking a lot about how Hal’s death would impact on our lives. We will all get around to dying and when we do, we will leave this planet stark naked, no baggage allowed but we can plan for what we leave behind.
A life-threatening illness is a good motivating force. Your mind turns again and again to the implications of dying; it’s like poking your tongue into a new cavity. Have we got enough money? Can we afford our present life style? The questions run round and round, and common sense dictates that you get these questions settled quickly in order to get on with the business of life.
In the early days of his illness, Hal and I talked in a detached way about the possibility of his dying. It was as though we were speaking of something that might happen to a stranger, but we knew no matter how fuzzy our thinking, that we had business to get out of the way.
I’m a list maker. We sat down together to discuss these worries and this is the list we drew up for Hal:
v Write personal letters to family members or do an audio tape. ( never done)
v Write own obit. ( never done)
v Order lumber to rebuild sagging back porch. (ever practical).
v Call Lawyer to discuss updating will and ask whether Pat needs power of attorney for future.
v Call Real Estate friends about appraising house for possibility of selling.
Nowhere does it say, what are our assets? Are we okay?
We began by getting our wills in order. You can buy a will kit at a stationary store and do your own or blow the hundred bucks or go see a qualified lawyer, once who specializes in estates. You may think you haven’t enough worldly goods to bother, but remember, someone has to distribute your things, and why not have it done your way?
We made an appointment with the lawyer who handled Hal’s one-person company. Our existing wills were done years before when the children were still dependents and a lot of tidying up was due. This should have been a simple assignment but it turned out to be a nightmare.
To be continued in chapter 3: part 2
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