chapter 4: part 5

continued from chapter 4: part 4

We had people viewing the place on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day and finally we sold our lovely old house on New Years Eve, for a mid-March closing. We had had enough sense not to make any conditional offers on another house until ours was safely sold and then we scoured the neighborhoods we had previously scouted and quickly bought a small house for slightly more than we had agreed to pay, but it was a good compromise. We found three bedrooms, workshop space and a fine fireplace in the family room, and we promised ourselves we would set to work to pack soon.

Do I have any regrets about this early re-shaping of our lives after cancer entered into it? Only one. We had talked about trips we would still like to take. We had traveled in various parts of Europe, but we still had to see Venice or take the Orient Express to Paris or drive through England and Scotland.

Hal had often talked of spending a week or so in New Orleans. He was a jazz buff and this was a long time dream of his. We never made it. At first when he recovered and felt fine, his workload was constant and by the time he began to feel ill, it was just too late to try it. It’s too bad we didn’t just take off as soon as he felt well after the first surgery. We thought we had time and we were wrong. We also thought that since we didn’t know how long he could work, or would want to work, we should shore up our savings. The hell with the expense; he would have loved New Orleans.

Writers generally love their work, and they have to, because there must be easier ways to find job satisfaction. Sadly, many people feel trapped in their jobs and there isn’t much they could do about it, with mortgages and orthodontists expenses to juggle.

Members of our support groups didn’t make any radical job changes, and chances are this may not be a good time to dump yours, but dealing with it may be easier when you know that you have a much larger job on your hands, staying alive and well. I promise you that your attitude about your job can change; you may not be so concerned about who gets the promotions. Just be glad you have a salary to carry you and appreciate the co-workers who genuinely care about you and your health. Another bonus us the fact that you can concentrate your attention on your work and the people you work with. It takes you outside yourself.

There is one exercise that comes up often in any sort of group situation and it’s worth repeating here for you to try. If you don’t take the time to sit down and do this, you’re cheating yourself out of something important.

Sit in a comfortable chair in a peaceful room and settle in for some quiet thought. Place a notepad and pen close by. If you can’t blank out distractions like fighting children or a loudly clicking clock, then incorporate them into your contemplation.
Here we go. Suppose you have just learned through divine intervention that today is the last day of your life. You feel well; you have plenty of money and no big worries or pressing obligations. What do you want to do with this day? Waste this day and what do you have left? Set yourself a time limit for this; take too much time and you’ll get bogged down with the hang-ups that prevented you from taking these positive steps in the first place.

Keep to your time limit but make sure your decisions are satisfying. I said satisfying, though not necessarily practical. It’s your dream. Write it in point form. Now we move on.
Next, you‘ve received news that you have one week to live. What are you going to do with that week? Next, stretch your lifetime to one month and write down your decisions. You’ve got the hang of it by now.
Check over your point form notes. Do you see a pattern emerging? You might be surprised how little you would change, or have you opted for massive change? Don’t leave things any longer. When you do get around to dying, you don’t want to review your life and find yourself full of regret for the things you didn’t do well, or just plain didn’t do. This can be done no matter what outside distractions are present. In the process you’ll improve your ability to concentrate.
This isn’t a frivolous exercise; it will tell you a lot about yourself.

Don’t let another day go by with lingering regrets for something you can fix. Make your life count. If your quiet exercises push some excess baggage to the forefront deal with it and get it out of the way. You can’t be one hundred percent about your life because it’s like a tapestry that’s never entirely finished. Just tidy up those loose ends.

This is the beginning of your new life plan.

continued in chapter 5: part 1