chapter 6: part 8 Study your doctor

Continued from Chapter 6: part 7

We settled in quickly to the clinic routine and always came prepared.

An expression occasionally used by the doctor stuck with me, “When you get sicker.” That was the key phrase. When you get sicker.

On our first visit we rattled off our list of rehearsed questions and mentioned the test drug Hal had been offered. The doctor knew of it, of course. He was a factual and honest as he could be and he left us with the impression that when there is a break-through, he will be quick to act on it for his patients. I was reminded that the surgeon said to think of the Oncologist as a researcher above all, and when a breakthrough came, he would be only too happy to be involved.

Information and accessibility were important to us and we got that. We naively asked if the treatment he was considering for Hal showed that patients had ever gone into remission for five years or more. I don’t recall how he fielded that one but we didn’t get a definitive answer.

I again wondered out loud about Hal’s life expectancy when Hal interrupted, “Look, I will not permit anyone to tell me when I might die.”

Here was a change of direction. We had endlessly discussion the question of Hal’s life expectancy, but now Hal had made his stand. The matter was never discussed again and I know that would have been marked in his file.

We liked and trusted the oncologist from the start. We didn’t ask how long the planned treatment would be or whether there were other procedures that might be tried, but we didn’t doubt that hr would answer direct questions honestly and compassionately as Hal’s illness progressed. We left Hal’s life in his hands and we believed completely that he would do what he considered the best way to benefit Hal.

We did ask about a self -help group run by a Princess Margaret staff psychologist. The doctor sent along our names and the clinic got in touch with us.

That day, based on the man’s manner and professional approach, we made the decision to commit to this doctor and this hospital. We never seriously discussed the trial drug again and turned out concentration and attention to “reading” this most important person in our lives.

During all our visits over the months he never ever left the room until he was satisfied all our questions had been answered, and we never felt any impatience on his part, knowing there were other patients waiting for him. Hal liked and trusted him.

I can’t imagine how an Oncologist or anyone working where the mortality rate is so high, can lead a balanced life. Certainly, keeping patients at arms length is a start and concentration on the research is vital.

You won’t find a doctor who isn’t terribly busy, so forget that dream. We were heard and our questions were answered. The doctor gave us his office number and the name of his secretary and god bless doctor’s secretaries. They are a compassionate bunch.

This man had a limited humor, not unexpected, was all business, gave us his complete attention and was knowledgeable. To be sure, he would never have picked Hal out of a crowd, but we had found our doctor.

Now to begin.

continued in chapter 7: part 1