chapter 9: part 2

continued from chapter 9: part 1

Never ever permit yourself to feel helpless; do whatever it takes to stay in control. There are many ways to help yourself and you’ll have thought of many I hadn’t mentioned. This is your own personal pep rally; just think about choices you can make; you’re reading up on your cancer, you’re asking questions and you’re proving with each step you take that you’re not ready to leave your life in the hands of others.

Until someone can prove differently, medical treatment is the first and best line of defense but you can augment its effects and strengthen your body’s natural defense mechanism with a variety of mental techniques and approaches. Stress promotes disease. Nothing you do for the better is guaranteed but it’s never too late to get rid of bad habits and outmoded behavior patterns.

Victor, a member of one of our support groups, was a thirty- something man who hadn’t been married for long before his lung cancer was diagnosed and he lost a lobe to surgery. He gave himself a few days to rest at home, then he began walking up and down the stairs, just enough to feel the pressure, but not enough to sap his strength. Slowly, he worked his way from the stairs, to walking from the door to the sidewalk and finally to jogging, taker longer and longer strides. He was last seen taking a bicycle tour in Europe.
He was always a fitness-minded person, and even though there are signs of cancer in the other lung, he firmly believes that as long as he feels well, he will keep up the exercise and keep his body toned. His attitude will keep him going for a long time.
I hope you’re feeling good about the things you’re doing for yourself and yet you may be thirsting for more, so then reach out further.

We were encouraged by Doctor Bernie Siegal’s excellent books and we received “success” books from friends. We'd looked into the secret serums and miracle cures and magic diets and quickly rejected them. What else?

Sort through those self-help books and pick out the things that you can relate to; most recommend various mental exercises to promote a feeling of serenity and calmness. Gift yourself with some quiet time daily for quiet contemplation and centering. You begin with deep breathing and then you focus your attention on the spot between your closed eyes, sometimes called the third eye. Scan your body for tension. Begin with the top of your head and work your way down to loosen the tightness. Quiet the mind. There is no right way or wrong way. You want to feel comfortable and relaxed and your mind is at peace.

Do you laugh easily? Work on that. Your immune system likes laughter and you want to give it every break. We both got through a lot of tough times by using humor; we poked gentle humor at our situation and we searched out book, films, theatre, anything that would make us laugh, including friends who made us feel good and shared our kind of humor. One winning choice was the purchase of the Fawlty Tower tapes; they could always make Hal laugh, no matter how often he saw them.

Do things you enjoy. Read, walk, play tennis, visit the museum, libraries, the park, auctions, the list is endless. This is important-when you go to bed at night, play back your day and savor the things you did to reach out.
What sort of experiences and events have you been curious about but you were saving to explore during your retirement? Start now, pick away at it.

We gravitated more and more toward pleasurable things, in work and recreation time. Hal was wildly enthusiastic about the new house we would soon be moving into and spent hours poring over the house plans for furniture placement. We had too much furniture from those years of auctions and we worked on a room- by- room plan of what had to be sold, and still, we took too much with us. He was confident that his doctor was monitoring his condition carefully, he was careful to exercise and get enough rest and he was cheerfully looking forward to arranging the new house.

Here’s an exercise my friend Matthew practiced each morning. While he was brushing his teeth, he’d take a good look at his face in the mirror and then began a dialogue with himself. “Hi face, you look pretty good this morning. Today we’re going to meet anything that comes with the serenity that we feel deep inside.” Sure, it’s nutty and you’d be embarrassed if anyone saw you at this, but you are the most important person in your world right now and that face in the mirror has to be a valuable friend to get you through.

continued in chapter 9: part 3