chapter 12: part 2

continued from chapter 12: part 1

I was determined to stay with Hal as much as possible throughout each new experience and I was usually able to do this by being aware of what was happening around us. Rule number one is to keep quiet and out of the way of anyone tending to your partner. In return you are freeing the nurses to deal with other patients while you keep a close bedside watch.

Probably the last time we were in Emergency, Hal was in a cubicle near the back of the room. The other cubicles were occupied by men with alarming looking sores, pallor, pain. The entire gamut. I recall thinking this must be what hell is like, but I wasn’t emotionally enmeshed, just distantly maintaining my little bit of sanity. I remember the doctor walking from pallet to pallet, pretty well saying the same thing to each one. “Well, your cancer has accelerated but we will make you as comfortable as we can.”

When I was new at this I trustingly believed that there was only one way, the hospital way, on the premise that it's their turf and they probably know the best way to do things, but I did eventually learn one or two short cuts without destroying my credibility as a sensible partner.

The time I recall most vividly was when I brought Hal in suffering pain that we suspected meant his by-pass surgery was no longer working. He had taken extra morphine for the pain and was disoriented by the time I got him into the car. He told me later that he was hallucinating and believed I was driving the 401 highway going the wrong direction from the rest of the traffic. He "saw" huge transport trucks barrelling toward us and was in shock when we arrived at the hospital.

I drew up to the Emergency entrance, pushed and pulled him into a wheelchair, parked the car illegally and rushed back to him. I hurriedly wheeled him to the clerk's desk and the woman didn't bother to look up, just sighed and murmured, "Just a minute," and kept on diddling with her computer. She has every reason to be grateful that a counter and window separated us. I was still in my obey-the-rules mode, and I had it in my mind that if I didn't check in with the clerk first that no one would help us. Despite this belief, I spun the chair around and rushed him through into the department, calling out to the first nurse I saw. He was barely conscious by then and three nurses quickly converged and began to work on him. When I was satisfied he was all right for the present and I felt damned good and ready, I returned to check him in. That was our only bad time; staff allow for the fact that most people coming through those doors are upset and often in a hurry.

continued in chapter 12: part 3