chapter 13; part 5

continued from chapter 13: part 4

When Hal became ill I would have benefited from a counselling service for families who are confronted with cancer. You need to learn about available services, where to get a break financially if you need it, most important, how to manage pain, or, to put it simply, what you might expect. I never found that there was time for anyone to sit down with me in the hospital and I didn't find the social worker of much use.

I understand there is more available help now.

I corralled a compassionate nurse once and asked her to tell me what I might expect if Hal should die because of the cancer in his liver. She told me in a simple and straightforward manner, and I felt relief just to know.
I needed to know what I might expect. By the time he died, the tumors in his lungs actually shut him down.

If you have to travel from your own town for treatment or need a place to stay while your partner is hospitalized, there was,during Hal's illness a country-wide hotel chain that held rooms available for patients and families from out of town,arranged
through the cancer society.

Pain control is an option that I never investigated early in Hal's illness; I assumed the doctors would be knowledgeable about what kind of drugs and what dosage would keep Hal free from pain and keep his head clear.

We read a lot about the value of heroin-laced drinks and other narcotics that keep the patient pain -free and yet awake, but I'm not sure the message has reached
the entire medical profession.

Most hospitals now seem to have a pain management clinic, although I never heard of one when Hal was in his final stages and in a lot of pain.

Now is the time to ask questions. Ask your doctor for information about pain-
management, ask your visiting nurses. There may be a private service, a government service, a hospital service. You want to know what they would use for a cancer patient with your partner's symptoms, what they do and how they do it, and keep asking until you begin to understand a pattern from each of your sources. Keep that option in mind just in case. Don't just expect them to manage the pain, because they are not all experts, though they'd like to be.

Not all cancer patients die in pain and that's important to remember.

Dying with dignity didn't have a lot of meaning to me until I was confronted with death first hand. In Canada there is the Dying With Dignity society established by Gretta Riddell-Dixon, a professor of gerontology. The society was formed to inform and educate Canadians about "the right to a good death." They promote the idea of a living will, which would prevent further medical treatment if the case is hopeless or if further treatment simply prolongs suffering. There are many rights that each citizen has in regards to his body and his treatment and the society details
these options.

continued in chapter 14: part 1