chapter 3: part 5

continued from Chapter 3: part 4

Who pays the bills in your house? Both partners should be competent in this department, although it’s mistake to try to do it together. You need to know how the insurance and mortgage payments are handled and have a rough idea on how you spend your money. We had taken turns with this over the years so this wasn’t a hard one.

Hal was a free-lancer, an occupation that is much more prevalent now than it was then. We had paid for years on private disability insurance, which would pay out one thousand dollars a month beginning sixty days after diagnosis or after the disability was reported, and the claimant was unable to work for a period of time. He insisted on working when he could so we didn’t apply for this until the last few months of his illness.

Before that, we lived on savings and revenue from occasional assignment Hal took on when he felt well.

For those working in permanent jobs, a trip to the Human Resources is in order, to have a frank and personal discussion with someone there, to find out what options are open to you. Take notes and if something is unclear later, go back and check, anything to keep your anxiety level down.

Now is a good time to burn the diaries. By this, I mean go through your personal papers and possessions and decide just what you wouldn’t want anyone to find after your death. If you saved love letters or other correspondence you’re rather didn’t go into other hands, consign them to the fireplace or shredder.

On the other side of this, you might consider writing letters to the people you love, to be given to them in the event you die sooner than later. I wish Hal had done this. I knew how he felt about the kids and me but it would have been something tangible from him. It’s hard for a professional writer to simply write a personal letter. I have to admit that to this day, I haven’t tucked away personal letters to the people I love.

It’s also a good time to forgive your enemies. We didn’t have any known enemies but we had friends with ongoing family feuds, now is a good time to get it settled. Your adversary may need some time to recognize that you are a different person from the one who was carrying on the feud, so allow some latitude. The more serenity you can muster in your life, the better off you and your immune system will be. Get the emotional decks cleared.
continued in chapter 3; part 6