chapter 5: part 7

continued from chapter 5: part 6

When I questioned the women from the support groups whose mates had cancer, I was surprised that many of them hadn't been present when their spouses met the specialist for the first time. Either they had jobs or their spouse insisted on being independent about this. For my sake, I am glad Hal accepted my presence. We all know that you can come from the doctors office believing you remember all you were told, but often that isn’t the case.

It was clear in our minds that Hal would combine any medical treatment with self-help imagery and group therapy and relaxation exercises and we left the casual drop-in group to join a group run by a psychologist in the hospital. This one was money well spent because they permitted the caregiver to participate. Originally it was set up for the patients only but the facilitators claim the caregivers showed up the first night and refused to be left out. This was excellent for us both.

We thought a lot about the doctors’ view of when to begin treatment. The doctor's credo was, "If it ain’t broke don't fix it." Well, it wasn't showing signs at the time, but it was broke. Now I realize they were leaving Hal alone while he felt well to enjoy his life.

We opted to stay away from macrobiotic diets that patients we've met swear by, and the two I knew personally were walking promotionals for it. They shuddered at the taste and blandness but believed it was aiding them. Hal chose not to attempt that because he liked his evening rum and roast beef didn't make the diet list. You have to be totally committed to anything to make it work, and no matter how much you want to succeed, you have to know yourself and your limitations.

Faith healers were not a serious consideration for Hal. He never claimed a spiritual life and to the end, he never wavered there.

This was the way we eased into our decision about Hal's treatment. We would follow the directives of the Oncologist and we would follow it faithfully. We would also practice positive imagery for self-healing, at home and within this group setting.

We could have been more aggressive before Hal was diagnosed and before he began treatment, but we weren't and I know we did what we believed was right and I can live with that.

I still get shivers when I meet people who figure the answer lies on the shelves of the health food store or in the third floor walk up where this magnetic person has all the answers, for a hefty price. This is a tough disease. Do your homework, get the right doctor for you and then commit yourself for the rest of your life.

May it be a long one.

continued in chapter 6: part 1