continued from chapter 10: part 2
Lorrie and MelissaI came by one day when I was feeling depressed about Hal’s set-back after a round of chemo.
Melissa sat with Hal and they had a good father-daughter chat and Lorrie took me out a plant nursery, one of my favorite places, and the trip was like walking into the technicolor of Oz from the bleakness of black and white Kansas.
I could focus on living, growing things and feast on the wonderful colors. You don’t realize how tense you can become until you try unclenching your jaw. I had so much more spirit and energy for days from that simple excursion.
Melissa was busy with a new baby but she provided an invaluable service. In the latter part of Hal’s illness, there were many scary times when I wasn’t sure whether to pack him off to the hospital or call the doctor or wait it out. I would call Melissa and she would calmly and rationally help me work through it. If a phone call to a doctor or head nurse was necessary, she helped me frame the words so that they were concise and left no doubt as to the problem. By the time we had worked out the strategy, I had calmed down and my tone of voice was back to normal.
Other times, I just needed to talk about what was happening and she was a truly wonderful listener. That was a lot of stress to pile on an already stressed new mother but she was unfailingly gentle and practical at the same time.
Sometimes it’s unsettling to offer to sit with a seriously ill friend but thinking about it is much worse than being there. You are looking at a frail body but the person who is your friend is in that body; it’s just different packaging. You are bringing the outside with you and your visit does such good. You talk when the patient shows interest and otherwise you sit quietly, even with a book. You are also probably giving the caregiver some time to get out of the house, free briefly from worry.
continued in chapter 10: part 4
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