continued from Chapter 3: part 5
While we have mortality on our minds, you might want to check into the writing of a living will. Simply put, you want to die with dignity and pain- free, if you must die at all. This won’t have a lot of meaning if you’ve never had a serious brush with death or illness and you haven’t seen it happen to those around you.
Get a book from the library or send for a Living Will Kit (I got mine from a university). It’s really a case of finding out what the medical profession is obliged to do and what your rights are.
One point is how you want it handled if you go into heart failure or need resuscitation.
I heard of one terminally ill woman who was adamant about meeting death on her terms, without a network of tubes and wires sticking out of her. To make sure there wouldn’t be a misunderstanding, she taped her living will over her hospital bed for everyone to see. The staff might be perfectly willing to do it your way but there is a danger that your wishes will be buried in your steadily growing medical file at a time when you’re not able to talk about it.
Now, let’s plan your funeral. Hey, why not? Who is a better judge of the way you want your send-off arranged. If you belong to a church, go visit the minister and talk about it. Then write it down and put the information in a file with your will and the other papers you are slowly accumulating.
I was never one to put things off until the last minute, so we had joined the Memorial Society years ago even though we felt uncomfortable making plans when we were still in our thirties.
When the time came to activate the plans, I didn’t have to change a thing. Do you want a service of some kind? A funeral plot or cremation? Where should the ashes go? How much should a funeral cost? Is there money set aside for this?
And what about savings? Once the first shock wears off, you will be thinking constantly about what will happen if the bread winner can’t work, and there isn’t any money coming in. I can only tell my own tale here. We did seek out advice from various sources and then we shook it all down and made some decisions.
We had very little in savings, but our house was paid for and Hal continued to take some writing assignments.
Now we’ve reached consolidation time. You’ve got all your affairs up to date and you’re satisfied you’ve done the basics. Now where will you keep this information? Your lawyer will have a copy of your wills and power of attorney documents but there are other papers such as insurance information, funeral arrangements, all those things.
Sit down at a computer or a typewriter if you’re a little behind the times and write down the number of every bank account, insurance policy, investments, everything. You will now have a record on the computer but also print it or photocopy it and put the information in one place and tell people where that is. It wouldn’t hurt to make copies of everything and give the sealed file to a friend or relative.
Once this is done and you update when necessary, you are free of niggling worries and you can concentrate on the business of living.
continued in chapter 4: part 1
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
chapter 3: part 5
continued from Chapter 3: part 4
Who pays the bills in your house? Both partners should be competent in this department, although it’s mistake to try to do it together. You need to know how the insurance and mortgage payments are handled and have a rough idea on how you spend your money. We had taken turns with this over the years so this wasn’t a hard one.
Hal was a free-lancer, an occupation that is much more prevalent now than it was then. We had paid for years on private disability insurance, which would pay out one thousand dollars a month beginning sixty days after diagnosis or after the disability was reported, and the claimant was unable to work for a period of time. He insisted on working when he could so we didn’t apply for this until the last few months of his illness.
Before that, we lived on savings and revenue from occasional assignment Hal took on when he felt well.
For those working in permanent jobs, a trip to the Human Resources is in order, to have a frank and personal discussion with someone there, to find out what options are open to you. Take notes and if something is unclear later, go back and check, anything to keep your anxiety level down.
Now is a good time to burn the diaries. By this, I mean go through your personal papers and possessions and decide just what you wouldn’t want anyone to find after your death. If you saved love letters or other correspondence you’re rather didn’t go into other hands, consign them to the fireplace or shredder.
On the other side of this, you might consider writing letters to the people you love, to be given to them in the event you die sooner than later. I wish Hal had done this. I knew how he felt about the kids and me but it would have been something tangible from him. It’s hard for a professional writer to simply write a personal letter. I have to admit that to this day, I haven’t tucked away personal letters to the people I love.
It’s also a good time to forgive your enemies. We didn’t have any known enemies but we had friends with ongoing family feuds, now is a good time to get it settled. Your adversary may need some time to recognize that you are a different person from the one who was carrying on the feud, so allow some latitude. The more serenity you can muster in your life, the better off you and your immune system will be. Get the emotional decks cleared.
continued in chapter 3; part 6
Who pays the bills in your house? Both partners should be competent in this department, although it’s mistake to try to do it together. You need to know how the insurance and mortgage payments are handled and have a rough idea on how you spend your money. We had taken turns with this over the years so this wasn’t a hard one.
Hal was a free-lancer, an occupation that is much more prevalent now than it was then. We had paid for years on private disability insurance, which would pay out one thousand dollars a month beginning sixty days after diagnosis or after the disability was reported, and the claimant was unable to work for a period of time. He insisted on working when he could so we didn’t apply for this until the last few months of his illness.
Before that, we lived on savings and revenue from occasional assignment Hal took on when he felt well.
For those working in permanent jobs, a trip to the Human Resources is in order, to have a frank and personal discussion with someone there, to find out what options are open to you. Take notes and if something is unclear later, go back and check, anything to keep your anxiety level down.
Now is a good time to burn the diaries. By this, I mean go through your personal papers and possessions and decide just what you wouldn’t want anyone to find after your death. If you saved love letters or other correspondence you’re rather didn’t go into other hands, consign them to the fireplace or shredder.
On the other side of this, you might consider writing letters to the people you love, to be given to them in the event you die sooner than later. I wish Hal had done this. I knew how he felt about the kids and me but it would have been something tangible from him. It’s hard for a professional writer to simply write a personal letter. I have to admit that to this day, I haven’t tucked away personal letters to the people I love.
It’s also a good time to forgive your enemies. We didn’t have any known enemies but we had friends with ongoing family feuds, now is a good time to get it settled. Your adversary may need some time to recognize that you are a different person from the one who was carrying on the feud, so allow some latitude. The more serenity you can muster in your life, the better off you and your immune system will be. Get the emotional decks cleared.
continued in chapter 3; part 6
Monday, July 2, 2007
chapter 3: part 4
continued from Chapter 3: part 3
When the time came, the closing of Hal’s estate would be pretty straightforward, but there are prescribed steps to follow. The lawyer and I were Hal’s executors. During my first visit with Alan after Hal’s death, I carefully rounded up any documents I thought he might need and a second visit wasn’t needed.
In retrospect, I can say unequivocally that a woman is doing herself a disservice is she turns all the estate matters over to others. This is the time to muster all the self confidence you can.
Do you have a safety deposit box? What’s in it? Our box contained our wedding certificate, some insurance papers, old coins and pictures and some furniture and jewelry appraisals, in case of theft. When a partner dies, the box contents must be formally listed in the presence of a bank representative and then the box would be sealed until probate was completed. We closed out the box and put our far from valuable items in a fireproof box, at home.
We analyzed our life style and looked at ways to pare down for financial and physical reasons. I had quit my job a couple of years back to remain at home and consciously made the decision not to return to work but to look after Hal and worry about the consequences later. A lot of people don’t have the choice and I am grateful that I did. We were content to stay put most of the time, we didn’t own a cottage and we drove a cheap, serviceable car. We loved restaurant dining and switched from dinners to lunches, to pare down costs. We loved going to a few auction sales and switched to tendering reserve bids for items at a price we could afford instead of getting caught up in the heat of the bidding.
A major expense was the upkeep of our beloved home, a century house in regular need of repairs and we hadn’t even reached the stage where we could decorate instead of general maintenance.
On the physical side, our cleaning lady had moved on and I was trying to keep up with the cleaning of ten plus rooms and knew I would need a lot of stamina to care for Hal if his illness progressed.
I knew with a sick certainty that aside from a small life insurance policy, we had few assets except that we owned the house outright and the market was appreciating.
I broached the idea of moving to smaller (and cheaper) quarters and Hal was uncomfortable with the idea, so we left it for a while.
We had that awful investment loan that weighed heavily on me. Before his illness Hal was concerned that we hadn't saved more for retirement and he looked for ways to shore up our assets. We were so gullible that, taking the advice of the accountant soon-to-be-realtor, We took out a one hundred thousand dollar loan against our house and began investing through a hedge trader, exactly two days before Black Monday when the country sank into recession. It seemed wrong to me to get into this but I didn't have the confidence to fight it.
Hal could never bring himself to give up completely on these stocks that were failing and we were paying a thousand dollars a month in interest payments. This was the first item of business I handled after Hal died; the hedge trader was sent packing and I liquidated, with a huge sigh of relief.
Since we were both out of our league when dealing with financial matters, Hal wanted professional advice about ways to stay afloat if he was unable to work and find out just what his net worth was.
First, we visited the accountant, the one who soon after gave up his profession to take on real estate and continued visiting the racetrack. We had known him for a few years but he was never able to get it out of his head that I was formerly a schoolteacher and he thought I should return to my old teaching job. I had been a commercial artist and a Human Resources specialist. He also suggested that, if I were on my own, I could rent out the house. “And then what?” I asked. He had no idea.
We hired a professional adviser and spent time with her setting out our entire financial picture. She solemnly absorbed this and went away to write out a financial plan. I came across this much later and was amazed at how much information she lacked about her own profession.
The good part of this expensive exercise was that we finally clarified our thoughts about our possessions, assets and options.
to be continued in Chapter 3: part 5
When the time came, the closing of Hal’s estate would be pretty straightforward, but there are prescribed steps to follow. The lawyer and I were Hal’s executors. During my first visit with Alan after Hal’s death, I carefully rounded up any documents I thought he might need and a second visit wasn’t needed.
In retrospect, I can say unequivocally that a woman is doing herself a disservice is she turns all the estate matters over to others. This is the time to muster all the self confidence you can.
Do you have a safety deposit box? What’s in it? Our box contained our wedding certificate, some insurance papers, old coins and pictures and some furniture and jewelry appraisals, in case of theft. When a partner dies, the box contents must be formally listed in the presence of a bank representative and then the box would be sealed until probate was completed. We closed out the box and put our far from valuable items in a fireproof box, at home.
We analyzed our life style and looked at ways to pare down for financial and physical reasons. I had quit my job a couple of years back to remain at home and consciously made the decision not to return to work but to look after Hal and worry about the consequences later. A lot of people don’t have the choice and I am grateful that I did. We were content to stay put most of the time, we didn’t own a cottage and we drove a cheap, serviceable car. We loved restaurant dining and switched from dinners to lunches, to pare down costs. We loved going to a few auction sales and switched to tendering reserve bids for items at a price we could afford instead of getting caught up in the heat of the bidding.
A major expense was the upkeep of our beloved home, a century house in regular need of repairs and we hadn’t even reached the stage where we could decorate instead of general maintenance.
On the physical side, our cleaning lady had moved on and I was trying to keep up with the cleaning of ten plus rooms and knew I would need a lot of stamina to care for Hal if his illness progressed.
I knew with a sick certainty that aside from a small life insurance policy, we had few assets except that we owned the house outright and the market was appreciating.
I broached the idea of moving to smaller (and cheaper) quarters and Hal was uncomfortable with the idea, so we left it for a while.
We had that awful investment loan that weighed heavily on me. Before his illness Hal was concerned that we hadn't saved more for retirement and he looked for ways to shore up our assets. We were so gullible that, taking the advice of the accountant soon-to-be-realtor, We took out a one hundred thousand dollar loan against our house and began investing through a hedge trader, exactly two days before Black Monday when the country sank into recession. It seemed wrong to me to get into this but I didn't have the confidence to fight it.
Hal could never bring himself to give up completely on these stocks that were failing and we were paying a thousand dollars a month in interest payments. This was the first item of business I handled after Hal died; the hedge trader was sent packing and I liquidated, with a huge sigh of relief.
Since we were both out of our league when dealing with financial matters, Hal wanted professional advice about ways to stay afloat if he was unable to work and find out just what his net worth was.
First, we visited the accountant, the one who soon after gave up his profession to take on real estate and continued visiting the racetrack. We had known him for a few years but he was never able to get it out of his head that I was formerly a schoolteacher and he thought I should return to my old teaching job. I had been a commercial artist and a Human Resources specialist. He also suggested that, if I were on my own, I could rent out the house. “And then what?” I asked. He had no idea.
We hired a professional adviser and spent time with her setting out our entire financial picture. She solemnly absorbed this and went away to write out a financial plan. I came across this much later and was amazed at how much information she lacked about her own profession.
The good part of this expensive exercise was that we finally clarified our thoughts about our possessions, assets and options.
to be continued in Chapter 3: part 5
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